Self Diagnosis

This unsettled feeling I am experiencing can't be due to jetlag. I find myself in constant search of contentment. It’s driving me up the walls. No painkiller can touch it. After a self-diagnosis, I am pretty sure that I do not have any mental disease. U understand what’s going on with me. U recognize this "thing" inside. U have the knowledge of its cure.

I am tired of feeling this. I am angry at the injustice of it all, furious that my dreams are no more, sullen because I can't seem to get rid of the void inside. I want to be normal again. I don’t want to be like this. Don’t want to feel this. I want to forget.

Mostly I am tired of pretending to be ME when I don’t feel like it.

The impatient has no time. This is not me. At the end of the road when I have finally found myself it will be a better Me....

But for now there is just this weird bereft feeling. Like everything is up in the air and you know when it lands it will be different but you can’t really put you finger how.