truth about me

i got a call from an old friend. someone i havent seen in 8 yrs. 8 yrs ago, we did not part on good terms i'm afraid.

we were both so very young and hot blooded? or is it hot headed? haha. he was my best friend. we go everywhere together. went to class together, ate together, watched movies together, studied together. although the i'm not sure how much knowledge we were able to put inside our heads when our study time was full of silly talks, card games and many other distractions.

with so much of our time spent together, it was not impossible to predict he fell in love with me i guess. he was the first guy to have fallen in love with me and i was his first love. my first reaction was shocked, mostly because at that time i only thought of love as something that happen in sappy movies. i did not return his feeling and with great ignorance thought that things between us will be back to normal. it never did. and i realize now, that he needed time apart from me as he was trying to deal with his feelings. looking back, i did not give him the time nor the patience he needed to sort it out. i was a lousy friend. instead of compassion, i showed him my anger. my anger at losing my best friend. my misplaced anger. i blamed him for falling in love with me. what an insensitive idiot i was. i refused to see him after that. his effort to make peace i ignored completely.

2 years after that and again a year after, he asked a mutual friend to send his apology to me. apology? he lost his best friend and at the same time got his heart trampled upon. IT SHOULD BE ME BEGGING FOR HIS FORGIVENESS. what an arogant bastard i was? and here in this very blog i keep whining about how other people have hurt my feelings. never once have i thought about my old best friend and his feelings.

out of the blue, he called me. with a cheerful hello and asked me how i was. I WAS FLOORED!! he sound as if we're BFF(!!!). i was happy to hear from him. we steered clear from talks about our "breakup" at first. then i thought we're adult enuf to talk about what happened. so why not? and we did. only after that did i realize what a cold unfeeling monster i was (maybe still am?).

i was happily going through life pretending to be a good person when in fact i'm not so nice. i was wailing about the callousness of my ex bf when what i did to my best friend was worse.

CP thank you for never giving up on me. thank you for showing me what kind of person i was. thank you for giving me another chance to be abetter friend.

feelings are fragile. treat it with care.