The Omen

I've been busy again lately. I've wanted to write about my recent self-discovery. Its got something to do with my recent bout of sickness. My last post serves as a reminder to what I am supposed to write.

While I was lying sick in bed, there was one time I thought "What if today is the day that I die?" I thought about it for a while... after a few second of thinking I thought there's nothing wrong with dying today. If that is God's will then I am ok with it.

When I got better, I remember thinking about it again and my answer was different. I don’t think I have enough good deeds in my pocket yet. I didn’t want to die anymore. But at the same time I am not as afraid to meet God, as I was before this.

And the reason is because while I was lying sick in bed I read a really inspiring book. The Alchemist was written by Paulo Coelho.

I was reading it during my schlumping period. I like to think that it was Allah’s will to let me read this book at this time. The book bursts with optimism and it makes you feel that everything is possible if you only put your mind and effort into it. It inspires me and made me think about my life and my spiritual belief. In a way it forces me to stop and look at where I am now and reflect upon my past deeds.

The book is about following dreams, observing omens from God and adventure of life. It is about a boy, Santiago, who had a dream and had the courage to follow it. The book relates on his journey of self discovery, his exploration of his hidden treasure and omens from God. Which I now believe is everywhere if we only look and believe. It reminds me of how generous Allah can be to those who seek.

Before going on his voyage, his father’s advice was “Travel the world until you see that our castle is the greatest and our women the most beautiful” In his journey, Santiago sees the greatness of the world, and meets all kinds of exciting people like kings and alchemists. However, by the end of the novel, he discovers that "treasure lies where your heart belongs", and that the treasure was the journey itself, the discoveries he made, and the wisdom he acquired.

The king that Santiago met told him “when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true”.

I used to think that maybe I shouldn’t ask Allah for too many things and for help every time I’m in a bind. But I realize that that kind of thinking is the thinking of someone who is too proud. And who am I to be proud in the presence of Allah? My mom’s advice to me is “Be humble, because to be humble is to be great.” She is so right. There will always be something we need to learn everyday. There will always someone better or worse than us.

Cold

A couple of weeks ago I had a tummy ache. I was cranky at work and barked at all my innocents minions. Anyway when I went home I took a double dose of tummy ache pills. I totally forgot about my empty stomach and when I do realize it, I figured it would be ok. so an hour after i took the medicine, i started to feel a bit cold. i turned off the ceiling fan and continued watching my tv show. then after a few minutes i still felt cold. so i went into my room and wore a jacket then continued with my tv :) after a few more minutes i started to shiver. it didnt register at first that something was wrong. i just thought it was funny that i was shivering. and then the headache hits me like a headshot. thats when i realize that something is wrong with me. all my life i have never been that sick heh! it was a great experience.

The art of losing

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.  Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel.  None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch.  And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones.  And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-E. Bishop-

I can relate to this poem. It is one of my favorite. Everyone at one point or another loses something. The poem starts with mastering the art of losing a thing that as small as a key and how it is not a disaster. Then it got bigger and bigger. Still it wasn’t a disaster to her. And finally on the last paragraph she talks about losing someone, a person, a friend, a lover, a family member…..

She seems indifferent and unconcerned about losing things and wants it to look like she has mastered the art of losing. It’s evident in the flippant tone of this poem. But I think that she was just trying to casually masquerade the pain. On the last paragraph she seems to be struggling with her lack of concern. She’s in denial and trying to convince herself (and everyone) that losing someone can be regarded as carelessly as losing a key. The truth is, she is struggling to cope with the pain by being glib and offhanded.

In the end, “(Write it!)” ß I think this means that she had to force herself to write the last words, had to finally admit to herself that losing someone really is a disaster. And it is, especially when you lose that person carelessly.

Unreliable

Life seems to be uninspiring lately. Or maybe I’m the one who are unimaginative. I haven’t put any effort on my blogs recently and after reading friends entries, I am green-eyed over their endeavor to put their experiences into words. Sometimes when life seems to be on the high, I never have the time to write and when life hits bottom, I wallow in self pity and forget to write. So when do I write? Apparently on whims of my erratic mood swings.

I realize this imperfection in me and yet I do little to amend it. My resolution to write the ThreeThankfulThursday is precisely to remind me that there are lots to write about in life. Even that seems to be a failing effort.

I have resorted to posting jokes and funny stories other people wrote. How low is that? Once in a while it’s fun but not too often ya?